I just gave a free introductory session to a man who had contacted me through my website. His issue was a strong one, of having had friends and loved ones abandoned him for what they considered to be a transgression, in their way of thinking. It was painful for him.
We ran one the technique that I use to address unwanted conditions. As we continued through the process, we arrived at a point where, well, I’ll use his words from here:
“I feel really good right now!”…”I didn’t think this was even possible!” … ”Thank you so much, Dex!”
You’re very welcome, my new friend; that’s what I do.
My overall sessions results (about 18 sessions):
It should be clear at the start to be accepting of full responsibility for your condition regardless of performance of the counselor. This not saying one should be everything right and accepting of everything wrong… it is saying if something goes wrong, to avoid the impulses to find outside yourself a point to blame (ownership of the actions) without keeping most of that closer to yourself. Find and know the strength of forgiving (both self and others). Have a willingness to experience anything. Gains are faster this way because the auditor and you are less burdened by times where the guidance time is over spent sorting out in discussion or action what points of blame are whose. More time can go to getting you to where you want to be.
There is a wonderful confidence in the guidance provided by Dex. His understandings grown from the basics in application through to the highest states sought by man are clearly within his grasp. Not held to rigid techniques he lays available to him and his participants any best technique to the condition at hand. This in itself saves hundreds of hours and potentially gets you to a place where you can handle areas of life others can only pray for… and gets you there quickly.
My desired sessions outcome was to be able to do better (or more controlled) prediction. This had a subset or easily noticed attending condition of conflicted self trust.
We handled the self conflict aspects which in normal life is a lifetime’s sought value.
Then we handled the broader trust factor… this was not an only in my mind thing. To handle this area required finding spaces of reality which were being avoided (having already handled spaces of my mind which were being avoided). There came a communication with reality which I haven’t allowed for ages and ages. Areas of knowing which I have long preferred not to know… preferred not to know because I could or would do nothing about them and did not want to know the suffering in those spaces. When inspecting the considerations for why the not knowing, I was allowed to work out how to access these spaces without the attending constantly created suffering (created by others in those spaces of reality). Source of this seemed to work out to be trust. See I have concluded persons suffering is opinionated disagreement usually of another person or persons. But if I side with the suffering person then I am siding against the other(s)… my temporary fix for this was to postulate best to avoid those spaces of reality as there is no way to be right. But this limits one’s ability to expand awareness which in turn limits ones control and limits ones knowingness… so instances of guessing about reality become usual as one attempts an understanding of life. It is difficult to understand life if one avoids so much of the knowingness about life. This led basically to impractical predicting (attempts at knowing) when most of the data to be known is guessed at (because the data to be known is of spaces avoided).
And then there were spaces which I felt not welcomed to. Areas where others who “owned” those spaces would take offense to my being there. This limited my awareness sphere too.
Basically those two things, the suffering and the unwelcomeness were limiting my ability to know and thereby understand. When I worked out the way, it came down to trust. The suffering were results of their living and understanding and participating in this life game. I now trust myself with respect to them because I could also be with the ones being blamed (the blamed ones are both themselves and the others). I found a way where I can be the “right one” and the “wrong one”. This requires an ability to experience being wrong.
I found trust in the performance of not assuming any purpose of either of them… suffering itself can be a kind of trap and at some point one might enter suffering just to find out how or why suffering comes to be and maybe come to know how to “solve” it. This is actually interference in life and commits one to keep attention in the area (enforcedly) as a method to followup and continue handling (interfering) on behalf of one side (the suffering)… basically just another game… created from a postulated purpose and postulated purposes.
Sideline to those two achievements was the attempts at postulating conditions which reality would not conform to. This poses me as opposition to reality. I had to find a way to allow for reality yet maintain a hope and reality of improving conditions. This brought me to an understanding regarding force. I came to see conditions come to be. If taking or being a limited space for view, it can seem real that forces exist.
But reality is.
It is not that reality was and is and will be… it is only that reality is. When finding this I found a kind of divinity or divinity. Reality is as it desires to be. And is perfect in its form. Forces can not affect this. However desires can. Sharing your desires with reality and finding or granting reality to assume those desires seems a correct approach to changing conditions. As much as you can be reality you can assume those desires. Developing a state of being where your space is (you are) reality is an ongoing process for me.
Having learned not to attend purposes (generated by self or others) I recognize a trust in myself and others that I will not enforcedly affect their game(s). Now I am free to be aware of all spaces and potentially be all spaces. Potentially assume creation of all spaces. Being fully trusted I can be even those spaces normally set as unwelcomed.
Of course seeking or having some ability or willingness to have a willingness to experience anything, is of a rather critical value. This was being worked on since long before Dex and I came to work together.
Being able to experience the condition of being wrong is important in the handling of one’s own mind areas. These newly shown wrongnesses Dex and I did work on and a comfort concerning how to exist though wrong came to be more easily experienceable. Right and wrong are opinions or assignments to one side or the other(s) in the game.
Helping this process is an observation that all good and all bad are opinions concerning each or the other. This is critical to find an understanding about.
Holding to opinions has a locking effect. A limiting effect. Freeing self of opinions (attitudes) allows for a releasing to be everything. To be anything. To know and feel the experience of a more divine state. Working with Dex was point critical for this.
So, while at an improved state now the full scope of the gains are yet to be validated through real world responses over much time… but so far these are coming in. Already we have the state of no self conflict. We have the state of full trust in self and others… probably especially full trust in reality. We have capability to be all things all places.
Pretty good so far!
Only working with Dex could this group of achievements have been achieved. His determination for expression of truth over the objections of persons who have countered his preference for truth in his earlier years of having to defend his “altered” techniques is the only way I could have come this far.
Courage with a love for truth a respect for truth and a love for his fellow man (woman included) clearly demonstrating a love for himself as those beings is a clear attribute of Dex.
Thank you Dex!
— Chris D.
I am still powerfully feeling the effects of our session yesterday. That realization I had, I still have chills. I know I can do what I set out to do now.
Thank you Dex. You are amazing and I wish everyone in the world could work with you.
Why I reached out for help: To come to be able to trust me.
In the fairly few sessions with Dex we have resolved, handled, eliminated, illuminated, blew, understood, became responsible for, came into control of, and are a full knowingness regarding self conflict. There is no longer a self in conflict. There is me- just me.
To write more relating to this might act as a limiting thing… and could be an infinite word set.
Thank you, Dex!
— Chris D
AD has been a regular participant for over a year, she’s had great and needed changes, and she’s been remarking on how thankful she is that she could have sessions over Skype, how much better this works than to have to be in the physical presence of someone when she needs not to feel self-conscious at all about what she needs to express:
I want to share my experience of working over Skype. I’ve been working with Dex for over a year and, for many reasons, he’s by far the best counselor I’ve ever worked with. An integral part of the success of our therapeutic relationship, though, is simply due to the fact that it does not happen in person. I didn’t realize how much I’d struggled doing therapy in person until I started working with Dex; just how self conscious I felt when I had to deal with the very real presence of a person with needs of their own. I could never really relax, I could never really cry if I had to, etc. etc. because, well, there was someone sat a few feet away looking at me! And I was always in a space that was not my own. A space designed to be therapeutic but not necessarily in line with my needs.
I can express whatever I want, however I need, without having to worry about traveling after something’s shifted, without having to invest any energy into managing the reality that there’s a physical presence expressing its own energies close by. So much pressure! I always felt I had to be a good patient in some way, to show the therapist that I was transforming in front of them, that I was all ready to go by the end of the session. It was impossible for me to make progress. Working over Skype, I can choose whatever is best for me and it’s fine, it’s functional, it’s great. If I feel I can better express something if I’m not being observed, I just turn the camera away. Easy peasy! I was unsure at first working over Skype, but very quickly it became the obviously best way for me to work. And to speak to another concern I had about working over Skype: I’ve never felt worried that Dex isn’t present because he always is. Thank you, Dex!
It isn’t all that unusual in sessions for the participant to come to recognize some deep and pervasive truth, greatly changing and expanding your perspective. My clients, enjoying the freedom and convenience of working in sessions directly over the internet, come from all over this world. Chris shares a deep personal session revelation from his home in Thailand:
In relation to our session today, addressing the stabilizing of gains made:
Dex helped me to secure my source of the decision to be or not to be. I feel I know where the questioning even came from — referring to the very eloquently stated question I believe written in literature associated to the name Shakespeare.
To be or not to be is actually participate or not participate. I have left that vulnerable to condition. If a condition changed so then would the decision. If it isn’t clear yet what I’m saying, when left to condition or state of a condition – to be or not to be — then one loses the choice to the vulnerability of the state of condition… and kind of hangs one in the question of the state: Will the state change or not? So leaving the choice to the condition locks one to the condition as for attention to the condition — is it changing or not?
This win is still “fresh” and needs more “process” time but there it is stated as above.
— Chris D.
I hadn’t heard from Kathy in some time; it occurred to me that she still had a couple of hours of session time paid for and that this might be a good time for her to take advantage, so I got in touch and we had a session a few days ago. It turned out that Kathy had been having a rough stretch when I got in touch. Today, Kathy contacted me to share this:
I had a problem with feeling love for anyone. Now I have the love feeling back. Also I had stops in making money and now work is coming in without much effort again. Thanks for your help, Dexter.
– Love, Kathy
I wanted to thank you again for that session. I’ve come so far since then. I realized I was actually the one holding onto the shock of my brother’s death around me as a way to keep the grief at bay, and that was a huge job to keep up all day and night. Once I absorbed the shock, I was able to allow the process of grief to sort of flow through me. I would not have been able to do any of that without you so many, many thanks for your help.
I just had an AMAZING session with Dexter Gelfand. I VERY highly recommend him. Life changing. Thank you so much Dexter. I would like every one of my friends to experience your counseling.
— Talya Danielle
“Evelyn” lost her husband not a long time ago, and has been struggling to deal with it. She contacted me seeking relief, and I gave her a free session. A few days after the session, she sent me this message:
“Hi Dexter. Just a quick note here. Since our session, I definitely notice a lightness or lack of heaviness that I felt since (the time she lost her husband). I was around his friends the last couple of days and in talking about him, that extreme heaviness just wasn’t there anymore and it was nice to talk about him without it. There was also some kind of agitation that went along with that, which also is no longer there. I only recognized that because it’s gone. I am much calmer and more relaxed. Thank you.”