The roles of the counselor and the participant, in ensuring and accomplishing a smooth and effective counseling session experience
In my journey of learning, mastering, rewriting and creating techniques of spiritual liberation and self-enlightenment, I could not help but notice that existing systems for such things tend to be laden and encumbered with self-serving indoctrinations that detract from the goal.
Sometimes people have a tendency to invent clever complexities of procedure and systems that can appear impressive, but actually, burden the process of self-realization with what actually amounts to detours. There are presumptions, practices, and attitudes that, observable, are obstacles that restrict the being’s addressing and processing what is manifesting for them, that restrict the being’s communication channel with the counselor, essentially, by misdefining what the counselor should (and should not) be doing, and what the client should (and should not) be doing. This is evidenced by how frequently I have found it necessary to convey to the client that they should not, for any reason, dismiss or disregard any and all answers they are finding, anything that is manifesting for them, and any amount of answers that they may have when given a question or processing instruction. It can (and does) even reach the degree of the participant declining to express that they aren’t sensing any connection to or with the subject or material being addressed by the process, or by the counselor. When session participants are granted the power of their correct and appropriate role as the client in processing, the universal response is relief and joy.
I consider the following to be the backbone of successful therapeutic spiritual counseling:
The client must be absolutely granted not only permission, but absolute encouragement to express anything and everything that comes to mind in the session.
In the session, a client may sometimes think that they shouldn’t say something, for any number of reasons, including the following considerations:
- “I don’t want to waste your time going on too long about this”
- “I thought of something, or I got an image, but it doesn’t seem to answer the question”
- “I have more items coming to mind, but I should wait until you repeat the question, before I give another answer”
- “If I were to say what I’m thinking, you might get mad at me, or disappointed with me, or think badly of me”
- “I previously addressed this item”
- “I already said something about this, so even though more about it is coming to mind, or its still coming to mind, I don’t think you want me to give something like the same answer twice”
Here’s one from a client of mine, in referring to his sessions in the Church of Scientology:
“I wanted to please the auditor (counselor)”!
And, being that it had been a part of my own journey, as well as that of many of my participants, I will speak further to the mis-indoctrinations of the Scientology system. All of these examples of ingrained ideas and patterns that, to whatever degrees, degrade the necessary free flow of expression from the participant to the counselor are built into the system, in the flaws in both concept and execution of Scientology’s core counselor training material, TR’s (Training Routines). These missteps likely occur in other approaches as well, so it is worth the time for us to examine these.
The fact is, ANY denial of expressing what comes to mind in a session is, to some degree, a blockage or inhibiting of the flow that allows for the processing of case material, and it is the counselor’s full responsibility to genuinely create, and exude, an aura of absolute freedom and safety for the client.
This is why one thing that I do emphatically convey to every client, whether experienced or totally new to this, is:
“We are a team, and a fundamental part of your role is to express absolutely anything and everything that comes to mind. I couldn’t ever not want to receive anything that comes to mind for you- if it was otherwise, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you, doing this. I not only could never have a problem, or not want to hear something that comes to mind for you, but I’m completely eager to know every idea, every thought, every image or feeling that emerges or manifests for you- don’t ever think otherwise, and if for some reason you do, please just let me know!
Sometimes, you may have a thought, an image, idea or incident pop up that does not seem to answer the question or relate to it, but nevertheless, always do tell me about it, and as we continue, the relevance will emerge for you.
If you have more than one thing come to mind, then tell me all of them, give every answer that is popping into your mind- don’t hold it in and wait for the question to be repeated- always give the answers when they emerge for you”
The basic role of the counselor is not to control, which means to enforce and/or inhibit but to instead work from the basis of EMPOWERING THE CLIENT. All of your negative spiritual architectures and the energies therein is a collection of masses of enforcement and inhibitions. To inject enforcements and inhibitions into the process is to reinforce the power of the very things any participant is seeking relief from.
The role of the counselor is to facilitate the client’s handling of his items of interest, positive and negative.
The practitioner is not there “to control” the client. On the contrary, the practitioner is there to grant the participant the freedom and undistracted focus to process and express has been manifesting for them, and what manifests is what emerges when the client addresses the material that relates to their own goals for the processing, and for their life. The practitioner’s basic role is to grant those things.
The late, great John Mcmaster expressed this basic truth wonderfully well in one of his lectures; he explained how he was asked what this “special knack” was that he had for giving such great sessions; he had to think about that for a moment, and spotted that it was what he wasn’t doing, as well as what he was doing: he wasn’t evaluating, judging, computing, or in fact, generating any thoughts, let alone verbal expressions, after offering a question or instruction for the participant that invited them to take a look inside, and while waiting for the participant to complete their answer to their satisfaction; he was, simply and only, being present with them, and completely interested. He was not evaluating, silently or otherwise; he was not entering any sort of distractive thoughts or attitudes that would otherwise taint and compromise the pure spiritual co-existence that is perfectly creating a processing session. The role of the counselor, demonstrated; that was his “special knack”.
I have had my own experience which taught me this well, back in 1982, during my time in Scientology, making use of the “e-meter”, an electronic device in which the session participant (called a “pre-clear”) holds 2 cans which act as electrodes to complete a very mild electrical circuit, causing one’s reactions to things to register in the motions of a needle against a dial background. As the participant is walking through some traumatic incident, the triggering of reactions to the content of the incident translates into motions of the needle. In one session during my training, I noticed that if I silently willed the question I’d verbally asked the participant, again and again, it causes a sudden reaction of the needle, demonstrating that even if the counselor silently, non-verbally enters thoughts into the process, these penetrate, and are distractive to the participant. That demonstrated to me why, as the counselor, while the participant is digesting some of their material, I need to simply be, and be with them, and not generating ideas, attitudes or intentions.
The participant’s role is to be there with the purpose of moving in the direction of their spiritual goals and to freely and fully express and experience whatever manifests for them in effortlessly allowing and digesting whatever their spiritual compass delivers in response to the questions or instructions that invite them to do so.
People experience many things in life that bring about a reluctance to fully take on the role of the participant in processing, and/or a tendency to do otherwise. This is something to process as needed.
But also, people frequently have prior experience and/or indoctrination in other practices which can mislead them into attitudes, ideas and behavior patterns that detract from the simplicity of what they should (and shouldn’t) be doing, and so there can be a learning curve in gaining a person’s understanding and acceptance of how to best benefit from the opportunity of a therapeutic spiritual counseling session; it is, of course, the practitioner’s role and responsibility to notice any such impediments and to enlighten the participant as needed.
Some practices train counselors to expect and more or less demand short and direct answers to their questions and “commands”, and to even reject the expressions that naturally emerge from the participant with a brusque “I’ll repeat my question”- at least one cult-like practice that I’m familiar with actually ingrains that behavior in their counselors, forcing the participants into a submissive, “I’d better please the counselor” role- abominable!
It’s really so easy and natural to simply go with the flow of one’s spiritual compass, take and digest what is presented, and there’s no more effective means of bringing about the gains that inspire and drive the participant to arrive and participate in the process. Doing anything else is going against the natural grain, and regardless of how clever, complicated and otherwise impressive the ways of doing so may be, they are, in fact, counter-intuitive, and turn an otherwise smooth and flowing session into work.
I think the factors voiced here go a long way in explaining why usually, when I take on a client who has no previous experience with processing, and I just refer them to a few of my own files and videos and have a short conversation with them about what we’ll be doing and how it works, and they tend to progress better than those struggling with some incompatible indoctrination. Half the time, they have such a spiritual liberation after their first one or 2 sessions, that for weeks, or even months afterward, they are still talking about how wonderful they’re doing from that processing.
The processing can only run and accomplish something worthwhile to the degree that the being himself feels free to be present, and freely experience and express whatever may manifest over the course of the session.
That is most easily accomplished with the practitioner’s complete interested acceptance, absent of any and all forms of resistance, including any evaluations/judgments, verbal or otherwise, and any and all other distractions, and impositions.
I’m “one of those people” who has taken “the road less traveled”, in a number of ways. We all have our reasons, right? My vocation and my passion are to help people recover their natural happiness, and I do it very well, albeit in unconventional ways. I think it may have all began for me with an interesting thought I had when I was only 10 years old, that I think is of great value and importance for us all to keep in mind:
If you could understand why another person behaved as they did, what made them think and react that way, you could not be upset with them.
The more you and I can be mindful of this when observing or engaging with others, the better our lives will be.
—With Love, Dex
Honoring your Spiritual Compass: Realizing Greater Expression of Self through the Recognition, Acceptance and Application of the Natural Laws of Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling, a Book by Dexter Gelfand
For several years, I have been developing and accumulating material to be published in book form, and now that I’m nearing the finish line, I’d like to share with you my current draft of the introduction:
Welcome to my realized vision, Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling. I hope you’ll find it interesting, enlightening and useful. The basic premise: We all have our individual goals as people and spiritual beings, all of our problems are basically our own internal oppositions and obstacles to our goals, and these can be understood and dismantled to achieve greater success and states of existence.
This book consists of three sections. In the first section, “The Spiritual Architectures of Our Minds”, I articulate my observations on our various self-created mental mechanisms and their workings.
Section 2, “My Philosophical Approach to Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling”, outlines what I have found to be the essential principles of effectively counseling others so as to empower, and to liberate the negative mental and spiritual architectures that hold us down.
In the third section, “Techniques of Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling”, I will share with you with the techniques I’ve developed to effectively facilitate the accomplishing of the relief, restoration to greater functionality, empowerment and well being that we all seek.
As with everything in life, the techniques of Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling will always be a work in progress. I believe that everything in life can be a work in progress, and there is always room for improvement, such as new discoveries that improve both the efficiency and the range of what is possible to achieve. While there is no such thing as perfection in any field of endeavor, we can always aspire to and work in that direction. Thus the techniques in the third section are subject to new discoveries and improvements, which should take nothing away from how these techniques routinely achieve results for people that they only hoped would be possible.
You’ll find concepts in this book that will resonate with you; I believe that it is very important, with any paradigm or body of information, that we judge each individual idea on its own merits, as we individually see them. Any imposed or preconceived idea that all of the information is to be either wholly accepted or wholly rejected is, at best, lazy thinking, and is no way to honestly learn. To quote Sir Joshua Reynolds, an influential eighteenth-century English painter, “There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking.” We would all be well advised to bear this in mind when reading anything of interest. That being said, thank you for your interest in this book and the subject of Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling. Take what you will from what share here, and enjoy the journey!
— With love,
The struggle to overcome the collection of personae within us is timeless and universal. We are all affected by the dysfunction inherent in this human condition, and to the degree that it can be transcended, self-realization and the accomplishment of all we aspire to becomes within our reach.
False “Me” deconstruction can be very rewardingly and effectively used when chronic inappropriate and/or undesirable attitudes are evident. The more experienced and perceptive the practitioner, the more obvious and frequent the manifestations of identities become.
Anytime the participant has completed processing some condition or traumatic incident, they can and should be asked if there is some persona they took on through encountering and experiencing that incident or condition. More often than not, the answer will be “Yes”, and a persona that has been dominating much of the client’s presence, attitude and behavior will now be available for processing and resolution. The resultant restoration of self through this procedure are of such magnitude that it falls upon the processor’s shoulders to avail the client of these gains at every opportunity.
This procedure includes some previously extant elements developed by earlier people in the field, such as the late Alan Walter, however, augmented and reworked so as to address related spiritual/mental material that was beyond the scope of what was being addressed. I consider this procedure as essential and indispensable. The results tend to be spectacular, and nearly every client I’ve used this procedure with on the first time through has remarked, verbatim or very close to it. “I can’t wait to see what my life is going to be like now!”
The procedure is best applied by an experienced practitioner familiar with my approach to therapeutic spiritual counseling, but will likely yield impressive spiritual liberation and the attendant changes if applied with patience, confidence, and passion by anyone who is so inclined. Besides providing this service as part of my own Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling, I do offer a mentoring service for any and all aspiring or experienced practitioners.
Today the following question was posed to me:
“What are the conditions required to progress in a spiritual manner with your methodology?
My answer: The conditions are that you have the interest and drive for your own spiritual goals, and be willing to experience what your spiritual compass delivers, without resistance.
— Love, Dex
Recounting traumatic experiences is but one vehicle of many for anyone in counseling to accept, assimilate, digest, process and be relieved of the pain, shock, distress, trauma, and fear impressed into the experience.
More essentially than the narrative, the story and the details of any such experience is the particular frequency and character of the energies embedded in that time passage, which is experienced as the particular feelings and sensations therein. All disturbing feelings and sensations are energies that are so difficult to experience that we react by resisting absorbing the energy.
Resisting doesn’t allow the pain, trauma, shock, and fear to ever be digested and processed, and so instead it will carry forward, along with your effort to push it back. Resistance may be a natural tendency, but it isn’t a true solution. The problem only persists, never goes away.
To get relief, those disturbing energies must be successfully allowed to pass through, be passively and effortlessly absorbed, and thus be digested, at which point the pain and trauma are disintegrated.
There can be any number of ways to accomplish this. What is best for you is whatever means provide for the accepting, absorbing and digesting of the actual energies, experienced as feelings and sensations, themselves. Recounting the experiences that have those feelings embedded in them, through any number of means, is one path, but asking for experiences and stories is less direct than directly opening up to those energies, the feelings and sensations themselves, directly, as these will be found and contained in many related experiences; and it is the energies themselves that are the essence.
— Love, Dex
Your negative spiritual architectures are the mechanisms that replicate over and over and hold in place the pain and the fear and the dark attitudes.
Negative spiritual architectures can be deconstructed, through recognition, examination, and re-evaluation. They can be deactivated and discarded through the specific techniques of Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling.
Through the application of the appropriate simple procedure, these mechanisms give way, as you mindfully recognize how and why you came to bring each negative spiritual into being, how they are a failed and harmful attempt to protect from something (that can now be resolved in your Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling session), and thus make the conscious decision to let it go.
— With love, Dex
As a therapeutic spiritual counselor, life coach, psychotherapist, mind healer, therapist, EST/Forum/Landmark, Scientology/Dianetics, meditation instructor, etc, there is only one legitimate purpose and function:
To facilitate the accomplishing of the participant’s desires and expectations of the changes they are there for.
It is not appropriate or substantially beneficial for the conductor of any betterment endeavor to have as their mission the forwarding of any other agenda, no matter how invested he or she may be in some particular group, system, belief, guru, leader or god.
It is not appropriate or substantially beneficial for the conductor of any betterment endeavor to have as their mission the traversing of some system of steps or levels to some proscribed form of enlightenment, or the forwarding of some agenda to recruit or assimilate the world into such a program.
The conductor of any betterment endeavor should purely have their “eye on the prize”, and purely envision the prize as the participant’s happiness and sense of satisfaction in accomplishing the participant’s desires and expectations of the changes they are there for, and be focused, not on how well the participant is adhering to the expectations or strictures of some paradigm or system.
If the conductor of any self-betterment endeavor is working through the filter of a system in which they are indoctrinated to follow to conform to some uniform organizational or religious structure and purpose, then they aren’t truly present for and with the participant, or dedicated to providing the participants what they are hoping and expecting to accomplish.
The session and the work should be for you. And not at all to reinforce or further the practitioner’s, beliefs, convictions or agenda.
— Love, Dex
Personal experience had made it clear to me some time ago that telepathy is a fact, but until recently I didn’t put much thought into how to help people to develop their own such abilities. Now I’m putting my observations to the test in piloting such a technique, and there are clear signs of success, as this work in progress continues.
I will share some observations here, some of which may (or may not) be obvious to you:
(1) Telepathy, more commonly, is naturally strongest between people who are in good rapport or harmony with each other, people who are very close.
(2) One reason there is little success when attempting to prove or demonstrate such abilities (although I have both had and observed such success) is that when someone has a hostile attitude about it, they tend to put out an opposing energy that can deflect the necessary harmony.
(3) Thoughts, or the presence of a consciousness, is a far more subtle manifestation than normal light and sound, and can be difficult or impossible to notice or be sensitive to in the presence of such environmental stimulation. Just as if you walk into a relatively dark room from outdoor sunshine, it can take some time for your eyes to adjust to be sensitive enough to see well, it can take some time in a quiet, nondistracting environment to notice things as relatively subtle as thoughts and consciousnesses.
(4) Consciousnesses are easier to perceive than thoughts; a rough analogy might be to how sun rays of are less intense than looking at the sun itself.
(5) One key to developing one’s own natural telepathic abilities can be successfully giving oneself permission to have such abilities; it can take any amount of processing of one’s own particular mental/emotional/spiritual architectures to make such skills accessible, or more accessible.
If you would like to participate in sessions for this purpose, I am now accepting clients. Stay tuned for further developments!
— Love, Dex
What is a “Moment of Positive Shock”? It is when something extremely good happens, but your internal reaction is to feel overwhelmed, and have some difficulty calmly accepting that it is “real” and can be trusted; “too good to be true”.
I first discovered it some time back, noticed its intensity, and its quality of being as overwhelming as a conventional negative shock. But until now, that was all that was revealed to me, and it just wasn’t enough to comment on, from a spiritual/therapeutic perspective.
It didn’t quite resonate perfectly with me that the Positive Shock should pack such an energy wallop. And now, and I mean just now, I have come to understand why:
The “Positive Shock” relates to the material of some corresponding earlier conventional negative moment of shock; it restores something that the earlier negative shock blasted out of reality for the individual.
In doing so, it does not, or at least not necessarily, wipe the spiritual slate clean of the negative shock; in fact, it energizes some residue of the earlier negative shock.
It does cause a resonant feeling of instability to manifest, in fact, and this may be the most interesting, and important point of all:
It is your own massive energetic resistance, once set in place, to recognizing and accepting the reality of whatever the shocking event is that later manifests as the inability to accept (i.e., the automatic, mechanical unacceptance of) the good reality of the positive shock!
My conclusion, at this time, is that when such a positive shock occurs, I, as a practitioner, would ask for and get the earlier negative shock and guide the participant to fully process the negative shock, with my particular shock handling technique, and then bring the participant fully up to having the extreme positive condition (the material of the positive shock) with my Positive Processing technique.
It also occurs to me that the Positive Shock must be a not uncommon occurrence; it simply hasn’t been recognized, at least not broadly, for what it is.
Just as with any shock handling, the relief and positive changes that follow are HUGE.
Chances are good that in reading this now, you are recognizing a positive shock of your own. If so, you know how to find me. I suggest that you not waste any time. You NEED this
— Love, Dex