Over the course of my life and work, I’ve come to see how we hold ourselves down, that something in us can withhold permission to have our dreams come true, to be too big, too powerful, to fly too high. There’s a part of us that says that we are undeserving, or incapable. Or that we will abuse or waste such power, harm others, or fail. There is a part of ourselves that is afraid to ask for too much, the part that says “I could never be, or have, something that great”. I believe this to be our ultimate barrier.
We all need to forgive, trust and love ourselves. We all need to recognize just how vital this is. Part of that journey is to recognize how and why we’ve fallen into a negative attitude about ourselves and what the consequences of this have been, so as to understand how damaging this has been. Then we can reconsider our choices and take on a winning attitude.
Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling can help.
— Love, Dex
Warm regards to my participants past, present and future, to my trainees I’m mentoring, to those of you who are following me through my website, and all of my valued friends!
As we approach the holidays, these can present challenges particular to each of us, such as:
- Interacting with people where the relationship is rough
- Dealing with the loss of those no longer with us at this time
- The stresses of the demands expected of us at this time
- Looking at the end of another year, falling below your hopes and expectations for how things would be by now
- The discomforts and issues related to cold weather
- The shortened days and less daylight
- The disturbing of normal and routine life
- Interacting and dealing with others who don’t handle this time of year well
I’m here, and as you’ve learned from experience, I can help, so if you want to take advantage of my skills to make it better, now’s the time to contact me and to make plans!
I’m envisioning love, happiness
— Best, Dex
In psychology, there is the term, “defense mechanism”:
“Any of various usually unconscious mental processes, including denial, projection, rationalization, and repression, that protect the ego from shame, anxiety, conflict, loss of self-esteem, or other unacceptable feelings or thoughts.”
Doubtless this mental mechanism has been recognized in many other terms as well through the ages, perhaps most simply as “stubborn attitudes”, which is as good a way of saying it as any, in terms of being the most universally recognizable attribute of this type of frequently repeated automatic responding to various things a person encounters.
It can be frustrating and exhausting to encounter these “stubborn attitudes” in other people, in which case it is so much more obvious how illogical, and how mentally confining these are for a being. What we have great difficulty realizing is how heavily stocked most, if not all of us are with these mentally and spiritually crippling mechanisms.
Understanding the specific composition, function, and mechanics of a Stubbornly Held Protective Attitude (“SHPA”)
First, there is the most visible, surface characteristic that identifies this attitude:
It imposes an energy that deflects and closes the door on connecting with and permeating something. It is a resistance to something, expressed essentially as: “I want no part of that.”
Think of it as the sound of a heavy metal door closing; a formidable resistance, a firm, resolute “I won’t go there.”
It’s a rigid and obstinate knee-jerk response, and it is not too hard to tell that at this moment, the being is not really present; they are substituting a rigid attitude in place of their presence.
Just behind this thought-energy shield that is being presented lies a state of anxiety and/or confusion, so intense at times that it is palpable. They can’t “go there”; they don’t dare, because something about that subject is related to something in that person’s mind that for them is dangerous and overwhelming.
In fact, the very energy that powers the resistance in that Stubbornly Held Protective Attitude is the energy of some dangerous and overwhelming experience(s) involving that subject which is now being resisted through that attitude. The recognition of this being the very substance of that attitude is a very important breakthrough, which opens up new possibilities in thoroughly and effectively deconstructing the particularly daunting spiritual architecture of the Stubbornly Held Protective Attitude (SHPA).
The basic technique is to invite the person to recognize, and consciously and rationally examine and re-evaluate the particular attitude”. By asking precise and specific questions that bring this about, for example, bits and pieces of the energy holding that wall of resistance in place bleed out as expressions of the energy of the emotional pain and fear of the underlying prior overwhelming experience(s), which then allows the for the opportunity to guide the participant to successfully spiritually digest that energy and be done with it. The apparent “solid wall” is successfully being dis-integrated.
Processing the stubbornly held protective attitude can expose the being to the underlying feelings of fear and pain, and these will, in fact, bleed through in addressing it, and so it is essential to address these as they become available in penetrating the “shield” of the protective attitude, and so part of the work to be done here is the processing of those underlying items.
And beyond even that, there is the more basic level to all such negative spiritual architectures. All negative spiritual material is such because it sits in opposition to a being’s natural passion and drives of some positive aspiration. All negative spiritual architecture actually derives its energy from the underlying positive aspiration. All negatively charged spiritual constructs are in fact composed of the energy of one’s positive drive, turned back against itself, and thus converted to the negative.
And therefore, fully successful addressing of any Stubbornly Held Protective Attitude must include both the processing of the negatively charged material that the SHPA is intended to shield the individual from and then, the positive processing, i.e., rehabilitation of the foundation of one’s positive aspiration. In fact, this is part of fully addressing and resolving of any and all negative material of any kind, not just one’s Stubbornly Held Protective Attitudes.
One more thing: The mechanics of this particular spiritual architecture have no doubt confounded counselors and therapists of all stripes because one of its characteristics is to hold in place or put back in place conditions of negative emotional character and related dysfunctions. When some personal issue appears to be resolved, and “comes back”, there is always an underlying Stubbornly Held Protective Attitude behind it, reinforcing that condition.
Properly done, long enough, and often enough, this technique has enormous potential to bring about increasing and more consistent levels of spiritual liberation, and the attendant increased feeling of serenity and clarity of thought.
We are constantly in a condition of painting and projecting a biased picture of the people, objects and environmental elements we come across, subsuming our ability and opportunity to see every moment as fresh and new as every moment of now inherently is.
We could be experiencing life and people in and with the natural, unspoiled, fresh, positive, joyful perspective and attitude that we as children are commonly blessed with, but for the filters and attitudes we accumulate through both externally imposed influences, and those we choose to take on for protection.
This is an exercise in mindfully returning to the operation condition of true connection, rather than automatically projecting and substituting your own accumulated internal images, with life.
Practice this in any place where there is some opportunity to encounter some amount and variety of people, objects, environmental elements, and mindfully take these in, absolutely without any preformed, existing, or instantly/compulsively generated idea at all about these, no projected opinion or view whatsoever. Simply take it in.
Remind yourself, over and over as needed, like a mantra, “no projecting, no opinion, no filter”, or something similar, of that nature, to return to the continuing development and maintaining of that innocent, serve and joyous state, part of the intended aspiration and result being to experience and maintain that freshness, that natural state of spiritual liberation, more and more, and in more challenging moments and aspects of your daily life.
The more frequently and longer this is practiced, the more this mindfully spiritual state of existence will open up for you.
Sometimes, in a relationship (and by that I mean a relationship of any kind, intimate, familial, business, social, work, etc) the other person can, apparently inexplicably, insist on painting a false picture of something that has (or hasn’t) occurred between you, and and when you attempt to reason with or correct them, they only become more insistent, and more hostile.
It can amount to “gaslighting”- that is to impose on you a false reality that to some degree and for some length of time can destabilize your certainty and your trust in your perception and even your sanity.
And you can find yourself desperately caught up in trying to undo the disturbance and confusion, exhausting yourself with the effort you put into trying to bring the other person around to recognizing the truth of the situation as it is for you. It can become extremely frustrating and disturbing.
What to do? Firstly, understand what has actually happened:
The other person, out some internal conflict of their own, and not yours, has gone into resistance of a reality that is conflated with the interaction between them and you. And their method of resistance is to throw onto you what is actually a holographic 3-dimensional false picture energy construct, meant to encapsulate you into their own ill-advised effort to “bury” something internal in them. It doesn’t really help them, and it sure isn’t good for you. You are now sitting in another’s projection, and it brings about great disturbance, frustration, confusion and upset in you. It is an enforced “reality” that isn’t truth-based.
The wrong thing to do is to fight, resist, insist, expend effort, push back, try to override with attempts to convey what actually did or didn’t happen, or to try to get the other person to explain how or why they’ve come to do this toward you. It will only deepen the bad energy for you in all likelihood. You might be able to forcefully overwhelm them, but that is only an escalation of a terrible game.
Simply recognize that a 3-dimensional energy-based environmental construct, a false living image, has been projected onto you, and recognize that IT IS NOT YOURS. Therefore, it is not yours to deconstruct, or to try to digest.
Having recognized and acknowledged this actuality, you now simply allow this “gift” to flow back to its creator and owner. In fact, as long as it is with you, the other person is burdened with having wrongfully dumped this construct on you. So you are actually doing them a kindness in relieving yourself, for now they can be unburdened of their transgression against you, and on some level, they will feel relief.
As for you, the effect will be magical. Once you complete the effortless action of allowing the construct to return “home”, and out of your personal universe, you will palpably feel the sensation of the weight of that burden lifted from you, will notice an unmistakable feeling of soothing lightness and liberation.
Try practicing this, and see for yourself! It’s all you need do. And once you see what it does for you, share it with others.
“He is deeply grateful for the experience and I am deeply grateful for your trust in me”: A practitioner being mentored in Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling Speaks
E.T. is one of the practitioners I’ve been mentoring in my approach and my techniques currently. Today she has this to share with us:
Hi Dex, I am very happy with how today’s session turned out. We started with Resolution Technique, and then my participant said that specific incident was a shock, so I ran the Shock Disintegration Technique. He relieved so much during the session, things that would in Dianetics take many many sessions, and processed everything in one long session! I’m impressed 🙂 He feels a million times lighter and for the first time in his life he feels Love in his heart and inner peace that he was craving for. He knows now why he tried to control everything, it all came out of not having any in the shock moment when little.
He is deeply grateful for the experience and I am deeply grateful for your trust in me and seeing in me a practitioner that can do it. I see more and more how powerful these techniques are and how the mind guides itself towards a solution. I am mainly a presence there for a person to find their own way to healing/health/peace. I can see how our minds and bodies are programmed for health and balance. This is Nature, Universal Intelligence that KNOWS where to go and what to do to get a Being back into Balance & Harmony.
For me this is a deeply moving experience to observe what’s unraveling in front of my eyes (his body was twitching and physically moving during the session) and I just invite The Universe to do what it needs to do to bring about a positive change in a person (even both – as I see how I grow with every session and learn more). I am also more and more connected to myself and intuition and I fully Trust the process.
Thank you, Dexter, for being willing to teach me and taking me in.
We can often heal, fix and restore the magic of a relationshipwith the techniques of Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling for addressing relationships. You will be amazed at the difference it makes!
The Opposition Process: Addresses the whole of the interactions between the two of you, and brings out relief, understanding and acceptance. This technique alone has saved and revived troubled marriages.
Personality Image Projection Technique: you both relate through projecting set personalities onto each other, of both your partner and yourself, and you both become trapped in these. Everything changes when these are examined and undone, the effect is magical, and you are both free to be present with and for each other!
Positive Relationship Creation: Once the previous steps are accomplished, you can now actualize your dream vision for the relationship, and this is how its done!
While the above steps are done individually, there are also active co-participation steps that are done together, that will help the two of you to be an “us”, more completely than ever before.
There can also be any number of additional applications of any and all of the techniques of Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling as needed to address whatever might be impacting or impeding your relationship.
It is not uncommon at all to feel we are enveloped in a “bad energy cloud” of uncomfortable feelings. The bad feelings of the unwanted energies of traumatic experiences arise with us, and permeate our consciousness at times, or even, what seems to be, all of time.
Our natural reaction is to resist those energies of pain, depression, fear, shock and the like. Bad things happen in life, and they happen with a speed and force that overwhelms and dominates your state of mind. And so you mentally, spiritually “push back” with whatever energy you can muster, put effort into changing your focus, think of something else, fight the feeling with another feeling, do something to try to put yourself in another place, figuratively and/or literally, you try to “solve” what happened, all to varying degrees of transient success or failure.
And usually, in the moment when such things happen, it is incumbent on you to resist, push it to the side to the best of your ability, to carry on in the moment to get through your day, and accomplish whatever you need to at the time.
But resisting the energies that build up within you actually creates an impasse that maintains those feelings, to varying degrees of background and foreground in your mind. You are generating force against force, and that is what follows.
Ultimately, to accomplish full and actual relief, you must find a way to accept and process the energies that are the persisting bad feelings accumulated through the traumatic experiences of your life continuum.
Easier said than done, it would seem, right? Because if it was that easy, you would have done so when things happened. But it actually can be done, there’s a little more to it than that.
You are endowed with a spiritual compass, a quality of your essential self. One of the aspects of your spiritual compass is it can, in appropriate context of a therapeutic spiritual counseling session, pass to and through you the negative energies of your painful experience at the perfect rate of flow for your digesting of them. With good (and minimal) expert guidance, the relief this brings can be a life changing spiritual liberation.
From there, one can then go deeper, to resolve how and why it is that we can attract the conditions of our individual “chronic bad energy energy clouds”. It happens as follows:
First, something devastating overwhelms us with fear and pain, and/or other related “bad energy” feelings. In overloading you with more pain than you can bear, you may take on a personality relating to that experience, a personality that identifies with, and is identified by that traumatic experience. In effect, you become, for example, “the person who is crippled and wounded”, and/or whatever the effects of the condition brought on by that incident were. And once you become that, you are stuck with that as a chronic condition.
“The person who is crippled and wounded”, then, having assumed that as an identity, must then maintain itself as that, just as any person must do whatever it takes to survive, which is to say that any persona, once assumed, is driven to attract, create, provoke, or even fabricate continuing to have those same kind of experiences that define that identity. “The Person who is
Crippled and Wounded” will chronically be wearing “being crippled and wounded”; things will somehow keep happening to them that are of that character, and/or they will exaggerate or outright fabricate circumstances so as to give that “crippled and wounded” impression, and this, naturally enough, will keep them frequently immersed in the “bad energy cloud” of the conditions of fear, anxiety, pain, etc, that define that taken on persona.
And so, to resolve such things on a deeper level, one must have the means to deconstruct the personality that was taken on through the related traumatic experience. In Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling, such a means is readily available, and it is what we call “False ‘Me’ Deconstruction”.
There is another way that we become encumbered in a crippling “self” that is not who we really are, and that is through what others project onto us. It is remarkably liberating and relieving to rid yourself of this type of “false me”, and this is accomplished through the technique I have named “Personality Image Projection Technique”.
And then there are the more extreme and severe bad energy clouds, resulting from the most extreme and severe traumatic experiences, the “moment of shock”. These incidents pack such a strong punch, compressed into a singular particle of time, as to have the effect of collapsing and freezing you in that supremely stressful and overwhelming moment. Your moments of shock, once they come into existence, stay with you and generate an ever-present background anxiety.
Completely disintegrating the powerful compressed energy of a moment of shock brings about magnificent relief, and this is reliably accomplished through application of the aptly named Shock Disintegration Technique. It results in a true and joyful spiritual liberation that is not attainable through any other known means.
The other essential type of spiritual architecture present in various manifestations for all of us is the Stubbornly Held Protective Attitude, or SHPA. The SHPA is an idea and attitude that one uses as a shield to try to protect oneself from the pain and fear of a bad energy cloud of traumatic experience of some type. Unfortunately, in setting these in place for protection, we are then driven to self-sabotaging and antisocial behaviors, and, more directly, holding in place a barrier from the energies of the pain and fear, thus making these bad energy clouds not accessible to be otherwise digested away through the techniques of Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling. When you seem to have successfully processed and digested some bad energy cloud of pain and fear, but then it reappears, that doesn’t mean the work was unsuccessful; it means that we have encountered one of your Stubbornly Held Protective Attitudes, that in effect demands that the bad energy cloud stay where it is. When one of your SHPA’s manifests thusly, it is an opportunity to resolve it, through use of the Stubbornly Held Protective Attitude resolution technique.
While there are one or two other negative spiritual architectures, these are relatively rare, but they are known, and the techniques for these can also be found in Therapeutic Spiritual Counseling.
— Love, Dex
The roles of the counselor and the participant, in ensuring and accomplishing a smooth and effective counseling session experience
In my journey of learning, mastering, rewriting and creating techniques of spiritual liberation and self-enlightenment, I could not help but notice that existing systems for such things tend to be laden and encumbered with self-serving indoctrinations that detract from the goal.
Sometimes people have a tendency to invent clever complexities of procedure and systems that can appear impressive, but actually, burden the process of self-realization with what actually amounts to detours. There are presumptions, practices, and attitudes that, observable, are obstacles that restrict the being’s addressing and processing what is manifesting for them, that restrict the being’s communication channel with the counselor, essentially, by misdefining what the counselor should (and should not) be doing, and what the client should (and should not) be doing. This is evidenced by how frequently I have found it necessary to convey to the client that they should not, for any reason, dismiss or disregard any and all answers they are finding, anything that is manifesting for them, and any amount of answers that they may have when given a question or processing instruction. It can (and does) even reach the degree of the participant declining to express that they aren’t sensing any connection to or with the subject or material being addressed by the process, or by the counselor. When session participants are granted the power of their correct and appropriate role as the client in processing, the universal response is relief and joy.
I consider the following to be the backbone of successful therapeutic spiritual counseling:
The client must be absolutely granted not only permission, but absolute encouragement to express anything and everything that comes to mind in the session.
In the session, a client may sometimes think that they shouldn’t say something, for any number of reasons, including the following considerations:
- “I don’t want to waste your time going on too long about this”
- “I thought of something, or I got an image, but it doesn’t seem to answer the question”
- “I have more items coming to mind, but I should wait until you repeat the question, before I give another answer”
- “If I were to say what I’m thinking, you might get mad at me, or disappointed with me, or think badly of me”
- “I previously addressed this item”
- “I already said something about this, so even though more about it is coming to mind, or its still coming to mind, I don’t think you want me to give something like the same answer twice”
Here’s one from a client of mine, in referring to his sessions in the Church of Scientology:
“I wanted to please the auditor (counselor)”!
And, being that it had been a part of my own journey, as well as that of many of my participants, I will speak further to the mis-indoctrinations of the Scientology system. All of these examples of ingrained ideas and patterns that, to whatever degrees, degrade the necessary free flow of expression from the participant to the counselor are built into the system, in the flaws in both concept and execution of Scientology’s core counselor training material, TR’s (Training Routines). These missteps likely occur in other approaches as well, so it is worth the time for us to examine these.
The fact is, ANY denial of expressing what comes to mind in a session is, to some degree, a blockage or inhibiting of the flow that allows for the processing of case material, and it is the counselor’s full responsibility to genuinely create, and exude, an aura of absolute freedom and safety for the client.
This is why one thing that I do emphatically convey to every client, whether experienced or totally new to this, is:
“We are a team, and a fundamental part of your role is to express absolutely anything and everything that comes to mind. I couldn’t ever not want to receive anything that comes to mind for you- if it was otherwise, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you, doing this. I not only could never have a problem, or not want to hear something that comes to mind for you, but I’m completely eager to know every idea, every thought, every image or feeling that emerges or manifests for you- don’t ever think otherwise, and if for some reason you do, please just let me know!
Sometimes, you may have a thought, an image, idea or incident pop up that does not seem to answer the question or relate to it, but nevertheless, always do tell me about it, and as we continue, the relevance will emerge for you.
If you have more than one thing come to mind, then tell me all of them, give every answer that is popping into your mind- don’t hold it in and wait for the question to be repeated- always give the answers when they emerge for you”
The basic role of the counselor is not to control, which means to enforce and/or inhibit but to instead work from the basis of EMPOWERING THE CLIENT. All of your negative spiritual architectures and the energies therein is a collection of masses of enforcement and inhibitions. To inject enforcements and inhibitions into the process is to reinforce the power of the very things any participant is seeking relief from.
The role of the counselor is to facilitate the client’s handling of his items of interest, positive and negative.
The practitioner is not there “to control” the client. On the contrary, the practitioner is there to grant the participant the freedom and undistracted focus to process and express has been manifesting for them, and what manifests is what emerges when the client addresses the material that relates to their own goals for the processing, and for their life. The practitioner’s basic role is to grant those things.
The late, great John Mcmaster expressed this basic truth wonderfully well in one of his lectures; he explained how he was asked what this “special knack” was that he had for giving such great sessions; he had to think about that for a moment, and spotted that it was what he wasn’t doing, as well as what he was doing: he wasn’t evaluating, judging, computing, or in fact, generating any thoughts, let alone verbal expressions, after offering a question or instruction for the participant that invited them to take a look inside, and while waiting for the participant to complete their answer to their satisfaction; he was, simply and only, being present with them, and completely interested. He was not evaluating, silently or otherwise; he was not entering any sort of distractive thoughts or attitudes that would otherwise taint and compromise the pure spiritual co-existence that is perfectly creating a processing session. The role of the counselor, demonstrated; that was his “special knack”.
I have had my own experience which taught me this well, back in 1982, during my time in Scientology, making use of the “e-meter”, an electronic device in which the session participant (called a “pre-clear”) holds 2 cans which act as electrodes to complete a very mild electrical circuit, causing one’s reactions to things to register in the motions of a needle against a dial background. As the participant is walking through some traumatic incident, the triggering of reactions to the content of the incident translates into motions of the needle. In one session during my training, I noticed that if I silently willed the question I’d verbally asked the participant, again and again, it causes a sudden reaction of the needle, demonstrating that even if the counselor silently, non-verbally enters thoughts into the process, these penetrate, and are distractive to the participant. That demonstrated to me why, as the counselor, while the participant is digesting some of their material, I need to simply be, and be with them, and not generating ideas, attitudes or intentions.
The participant’s role is to be there with the purpose of moving in the direction of their spiritual goals and to freely and fully express and experience whatever manifests for them in effortlessly allowing and digesting whatever their spiritual compass delivers in response to the questions or instructions that invite them to do so.
People experience many things in life that bring about a reluctance to fully take on the role of the participant in processing, and/or a tendency to do otherwise. This is something to process as needed.
But also, people frequently have prior experience and/or indoctrination in other practices which can mislead them into attitudes, ideas and behavior patterns that detract from the simplicity of what they should (and shouldn’t) be doing, and so there can be a learning curve in gaining a person’s understanding and acceptance of how to best benefit from the opportunity of a therapeutic spiritual counseling session; it is, of course, the practitioner’s role and responsibility to notice any such impediments and to enlighten the participant as needed.
Some practices train counselors to expect and more or less demand short and direct answers to their questions and “commands”, and to even reject the expressions that naturally emerge from the participant with a brusque “I’ll repeat my question”- at least one cult-like practice that I’m familiar with actually ingrains that behavior in their counselors, forcing the participants into a submissive, “I’d better please the counselor” role- abominable!
It’s really so easy and natural to simply go with the flow of one’s spiritual compass, take and digest what is presented, and there’s no more effective means of bringing about the gains that inspire and drive the participant to arrive and participate in the process. Doing anything else is going against the natural grain, and regardless of how clever, complicated and otherwise impressive the ways of doing so may be, they are, in fact, counter-intuitive, and turn an otherwise smooth and flowing session into work.
I think the factors voiced here go a long way in explaining why usually, when I take on a client who has no previous experience with processing, and I just refer them to a few of my own files and videos and have a short conversation with them about what we’ll be doing and how it works, and they tend to progress better than those struggling with some incompatible indoctrination. Half the time, they have such a spiritual liberation after their first one or 2 sessions, that for weeks, or even months afterward, they are still talking about how wonderful they’re doing from that processing.
The processing can only run and accomplish something worthwhile to the degree that the being himself feels free to be present, and freely experience and express whatever may manifest over the course of the session.
That is most easily accomplished with the practitioner’s complete interested acceptance, absent of any and all forms of resistance, including any evaluations/judgments, verbal or otherwise, and any and all other distractions, and impositions.
I’m “one of those people” who has taken “the road less traveled”, in a number of ways. We all have our reasons, right? My vocation and my passion are to help people recover their natural happiness, and I do it very well, albeit in unconventional ways. I think it may have all began for me with an interesting thought I had when I was only 10 years old, that I think is of great value and importance for us all to keep in mind:
If you could understand why another person behaved as they did, what made them think and react that way, you could not be upset with them.
The more you and I can be mindful of this when observing or engaging with others, the better our lives will be.
—With Love, Dex